Thursday, November 27

Me, You and Him

Adjusting to married life was a very interesting process in more ways than one. Sometimes I found myself wondering if every newly-wed couple had to go through the same process of adjusting like we did. And I wished someone could have told me what exactly to expect, so that I would feel like I was better prepared. You know how you ask your friends who recently got married, "So how is married life?" and they just say "It's fine, it's wonderful!". You wish they would say more, but you don't know how to ask. The truth is though, that no matter how much people tell you before, you have to experience some things for yourself. Here's an example of something I wish somebody told me earlier.

In my last three years as a single girl, I had developed a close relationship with God. I used to worship, pray and read my bible every day without fail. I enjoyed spending time in my Heavenly Father's presence as much as I could. I could pour out my heart to my God anytime and He always answered me. I always felt that I was God's special daughter and nothing could take away that wonderful relationship from me. God's love and His presence was always around me. My heavenly father was a big guiding factor in everything I did because I always made sure I consulted Him before making any big decisions. He was the main "man" in my life and my world revolved around Him.

A few months after I finished my Masters degree and moved back home, I suddenly noticed something odd. Something was definitely different in my Christian life, God was out! I had gotten so excited about having a new permanent man in my life that I had edged God out and didn't crave His presence anymore. In the middle of adjusting to married life, having a husband and becoming a wife, my heavenly Father had taken a back seat! My time, my focus and my mind was now filled with thoughts of my husband 24/7 that I didn't have time for God anymore. In essence, I had replaced God with hubby. At first I was slightly worried but I didn't know what to do. I didn't think I had done it on purpose, it just happened that way..... I didn't know whether to feel guilty about it or not..... I didn't know whether this was quite a normal thing to happen to other newlywed brides...... I didn't know whether it was just me getting carried away with my new status. So I didn't do anything, I didn't even discuss it with hubby.

As time went on though, I began to question myself. Why have I replaced God with my husband? Isn't that dangerous? Hubby might be a good man and all, but really nobody can and should take the place of God in my life. I couldn't even pray any more because I had lost the urge to! So I started fretting and making myself confused and worried. Until one day I decided to call my pastor's wife to ask her if she had experienced the same thing when she first got married. I hoped she would then be able to give me some advice. When I called the pastor, I asked to speak to his wife but she was not around. He could tell I was distressed about something so he asked what the matter was. I told him everything I had been feeling and surprisingly he laughed! He said it was alright and God understands, and He was not angry with me for working on bonding with my husband. He also said that the fact that I'm worried about it shows that I am missing something, so I should just relax and allow myself to slowly get back in tune with God.
It was such a relief to hear that! Afterwards I went to pray and it was something along the lines of: "Lord please help me, it's no more just me and You, it's now Me, You and Him so I need Your wisdom to guide me so I can balance having both of you in my life".

About a week later, I was chatting online to a friend of mine from uni and she asked me how married life was going. I told her what I had recently prayed about. To my surprise she said that in her fellowship group, there was a newly-wed lady who recently shared with them about going through the exact same thing! The lady said that she also felt guilty for spending all her time with her husband and not enough time with God anymore! I was really glad to hear this. I felt like it was God's way of telling me that I'm not alone and it's quite normal!


Thankfully with time, prayers and patience I got back in touch with God and I've been able to balance both relationships. God now has His rightful place in my life, and hubby has his right place in my life too. Hubby and I now have our separate quiet time with God, and then have our couple time with God together. It makes me wonder though, how much adjusting I would have to do when children come into the relationship and I have to divide my time, attention and focus even more.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is such a wonderful insight you have provided. You don't know how much this post has helped me tonight. Be blessed!

t04051 said...

Love this post.

geisha.song. said...

i really liked this post.
i keep trying to hear from married people what its like and your perspective is so real!

Rita said...

This is the realest (if there's any word like that) write up about adjusting to marriage that I have read. That is exactly how I felt and your solution is exactly what we took.

I really appreciate your honesty in this post. It is truly a blessing.

Casual Date Place said...
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talesandtallies said...

This is such an insightful post. Good luck on this life-long journey... I love your blog.

will definitely be back!

T & T
xoxo

tee said...

Thanks for sharing this. I am still single and I think about this a lot (how to divide\priortize my time accordingly when i do get married, so that God does not take the back seat.

We women must be good with the balancing act. God,ourselves ,husband, kids.

that is a plateful!
May God help us.

Debbie said...

Everything has its rightfull place and there should be a balance.
God understands perfectly that was why Paul mentioned that the married women mind the things of their husband while the unmarried the things of the lord. God created the institution of marriage to be enjoyed.
Glad you realise that there should a balance and have adjusted to married life.

yankeenaijababe said...

Wow this post was touching. I feel as if every lady needs to read this post. Thanks for sharing. I am touched. God first, men second right.lol

NewLife said...

Favoured girl, thank you for all you have written, I stop by often but haven't left a comment. I want to you to know I've been very encouraged by your posts, it helped me overcome some huddles, I'll be a new Mrs. in about a week and you have been a part of the journey one way or the other. God bless you and your hubby

OluwaDee said...

Ah! i can soooooooo identify with this.

In my case I called a friend in d middle of the night, and she told me I should look 4 creative ways to spend time with God. And it wasn't a sin if i dint pray 4 long hours or read d Bible everyday.

Since then, I have found ways to spend time with God alone, and having a joint fellowship with Hubby.

Like u said, no1 will tell u this. U get into marriage and just find out.

Harry-Rami Itie said...

you do have aqn amzing blog...love it!

MissLove said...

I enjoyed this...I feel this way too when I feel there are some 'idols' taking God's place...sometimes i wonder if God chased my ex away..is it wrong for me to feel this way?

AnyaPosh said...

aww...all this talk makes me wanna be married!!! when will my prince come??

I just saw ur comment on Solo's blog. You want to go natural? DO it. DO IT!

It's one of the best decisions I've made in my life (And i've made a lot of great decisions :D)

Having your hair natural is a whole other learning curve, I think every african gurl with a perm should do. I did it a few yrs back & I'm learning so much about myself in the process.

There are many sites that could help, like -

Motown Girl
Long Hair care forum
http://forum.blackhairmedia.com
etc etc

Check out my blog for links to more fabulous blogs on natural hair. Goodluck!

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

Just checking in. Hope all is well.

Ms-timi said...

This post is EXACTLY what I needed to read today. I have been feeling the exact same way in my relationship. Since I started dating the guy that I am with now, who I KNOW is my soulmate, I've kind of shoved God aside. Everyday I say that I'm going to make more time for God, but I never do...I'm glad to know that its not just me and that God understands...that said, I need to start working on it NOW!

Ayodele Alofe said...

1 Corinthians 7:34 talks about this and it is absolutely natural. The Amplified Bible does more justice I think

sharon said...

Hmmm...wow! If only I'd known this. I quit my job and ran back home when I discovered I could not really concentrate on God because my fiance was taking up too much of me. I had to return home for many reasons anyway but that was the driving force. We are still dating and hope to do it later this year. So I'll keep coming here for pointers; I really don't want to lose touch with God.

doll said...

thanks for sharing

Anonymous said...

Very true, I felt the same way too!

Anonymous said...

This just so real,I love this post for the spiritual point it holds.
I wish I am half in terms with God as u are.I have really backslided,d only thing i have is just faith and believe in Him but I want Him more esp now I wish to have my second-half,have other wants Iat this point inmy life.
I do talk to him in prayers but I need something more closely,friendly n intimate with Him,I pray He understands as He does with you and give me the opportunity to re-find Him truely and never to depart frm Him again.
I am like an hungered but dont knw how to cook neither do I knww hw to get smthing to eat!Love ur post,thanks.

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