Friday, August 12, 2011

Two Becomes Three

Last Sunday, hubby and I went out without the baby for the first time. Of course we've been out with her several times, but this was different. This time, we left her with a childminder and had a proper date where it was just the two of us, and she was not the centre of attention. It felt great, kinda like the old days where we were just a couple and we didn't have to pause mid-conversation to keep checking on a baby. I realised something that I had heard over and over again, but hadn't experienced until now - a couple need to spend time together away from the kids. 

As much as I love my daughter and I enjoy playing with her, I now know that it's necessary for me to take a break from being a mother once in a while, and just be friend and lover to hubby. Being a new parent can be overwhelming, and the past six months have felt like a huge learning curve. And I'm still learning. I spent the first two months in a daze of pain (c-section), sleepless nights, milk and endless nappies. Slowly, baby and I settled into a routine and the nights became bearable. Now she's grown a bit and I can start to contemplate my life getting back to normal - but with a new twist. I guess the right word to use here would be - adjusting. My life has changed and while I'm enjoying it, I have to adjust my expectations, and I have to rearrange my priorities. I now have to juggle more roles and more responsibilities. (Now I feel like a proper grown-up, lol). It's not easy, but I know that I have God's grace to help me every day. 

And speaking of my relationship with God, I feel like I need Him more than ever. It's amazing the sense of responsibility you get when you're faced with a helpless little baby, and it hits you that a lot of what happens to this child depends on you. So who else can I ask for help? I pray to God everyday to make me the best mother I can be to my daughter. I need to get this right, because from experience, the mother-daughter relationship can be a tricky one and I want to have a wonderful relationship with my daughter everyday. I pray to God to help me because if I succeed in everything but fail at being a parent, then it's not worth it. I pray to God for more and more wisdom. I need God's wisdom every single day.

So anyway, the point I was trying to make was that, while being a mother requires a lot of self-sacrifice, one thing I must try to do is to keep my relationship with hubby going. I now know how easy it can be to let things slide when there's a major shift in the dynamics of our relationship. I can see it's not always going to be easy, but I'm sure the benefits will always be worth the effort. After all, it's for the good of the baby too if her parents can model a loving, healthy marriage for her to see!

As always, stay blessed and favoured,
FG


24 comments:

Kiru Taye said...

Keeping a marriage fresh while taking care of young children is tough and requires special grace. But the most important thing is acknowledging it needs work and doing something about it.

You seem to be on the right track.
Just keep working at it. I should know. I've got 2 kids under 6. :o))

Blessing said...

Aww cute!
Glad you and hubby got some much needed alone time...keep the flame burning.

With God's help you'll be the joyful mother that he's created you to be *hug*

thewordsmythe said...

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter, albeit six months later!

When you have children, it's like the number of balls you juggle, as a woman, increase.

As Kiru said, you are on the right track. Enjoy all your different roles and may the Lord grant you the wisdom to be the mother your daughter needs.

doll said...

I guess it is all about finding the right balance, the Lord would continue to be your strength.

Love.live.learn said...

Well done dear. I really believe children change the dynamics of a relationship...I'm not there yet but I've seen enough couples to know that it does. I pray God continues to give you strength and I'm happy to see you back blogging.

lamikayty said...

Yes indeed it is hard but rewarding work. Being a mummy that is!

I can relate with all you've written here. Amazing when 2 becomes 3...! Have fun!

Giagerry said...

Aww! we thank God for his grace in just pulling through life in general(wife, mother etc)--it is well!

Bibiana said...

al iz well......

Ohj (TheRustGeek) said...

Sounds like you are progressing with finding a balance between caring for the kid and yourselves. Nice!

Ronkipie said...

Congratulations Favoured girl! I've been following your blogs for over five years now....thank you for sharing your life with us.

God will help you and hubby with your new life adjustments! xxx

Anonymous said...

I really liked the article, and the very cool blog

aloted said...

well said. the first few months are always the most difficult.

yes pareting requires a lot of wisdom , patience and balance.

well done you :)

jhazmyn said...

I can totally relate, the first few weeks were crazy for me (even burst into tears one day when I felt so overwhelmed..lol), but my mom was a darl, she actually went to bed with my lil one a lot of nights and also by the time she was 2months, she started sleeping thru the night (8/9 - 5am).

Hubby and I have had to go out alone too, its a major neccesity. Glad to hear you're adjusting fine

Anonymous said...

brinkka2011 says: I printed a lot of your blog out thanks my friend

Temi, Published! said...

im not married but ill keep ur advice in mind for the future. it does make a lot of sense, plus you n ur hun def need a breather.congrats, good luck and enjoy parenthood!

Mrs. Pancakes said...

i heard it's important to have time for yourself as a new mom!

Folake said...

I have just spent the last few hours after coming across your blog from musings of a caramel latte addict and have to say, it has made my saturday. Reading through from the beginning up until 2011. Will definitely be coming back to read especially on your words of wisdom on marriage. Been married for one year, no child yet and def picked up a lot of tips and good advise from your blog.

Muse Origins said...

True, it will be difficult, but well worth it

Adiya
Muse Origins
Muse Origins FB

0d5e6f4e-370d-11e1-8a0d-000bcdcb5194 said...

being married doesn't mean you are a wife all the time. its great if sometime you and your husband bond together like that when you were not married. according to what i red you can do the marriage dating thing to strengthen your relationship with each other. here is the link relationshipdatingblog.com

0d5e6f4e-370d-11e1-8a0d-000bcdcb5194 said...

being a parent is fulfilling but the responsibility is tight. i agree that you should not neglect your responsibility to your husband since you are also married. please visit my site relationshipdatingblog.com

uncommondeal said...

This is a good post and it should make us all reflect into our marriage. Many of us this that the moment we start having babies, our partners are not that relevant anymore.
This is a wrong notion and it is one of the major factors that breaks up marriages in Nigeria and the world in general.
My general advice is that couples should always put sparks back into their relationship even after having kids.

The Sexy Single Mommy said...

Congrats on your new baby. I just happened across your blog and I love it. I am a new follower. Come by and say hello. http://www.thesexysinglemommy.com

spiceymorsels said...

LOL just saw this.
I see what you mean, as a new mother myself I realised how desperately I needed to keep my relationship with God intact. Nobody, nothing anyone tells you prepares you for motherhood and you realise you can't do it by yourself even for a minute! Thanks for sharing.

spiceymorsels said...

LOL you are so right on so many levels! Thanks for sharing.

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