Monday, February 18

Adjustments (2)

Hello all! As I mentioned in my last post, I had to make some changes and adjustments in my life after the wedding. I’ll like to say that it wasn’t just me though, as Mr had to adjust to being married too. But since I’m writing from my point of view, I’ll focus mainly on my own experiences.

One day Mr and I went shopping outside our town. It was just before Christmas, about five months after our wedding. At the mall, we bumped into a friend of mine. I decided to hang out with her, since Mr was getting bored already, so we parted ways and agreed to meet in a few hours. My friend and I shopped to our heart’s content and when we got tired; we went to a café and sat down to have a bite and a chat. As we sat down, she turned to me and asked, “So, FG I’ve been meaning to ask you. How is married life?”
I wanted to answer the question honestly, so I told her that married life is a lot of fun, but there are many adjustments to make. She asked me what kind of adjustments, and I told her that they were stuff you would never think of if you were a single girl living on your own and accountable to no one but yourself. I told her, “For example, when we were shopping just now, I had to be mindful about the clothes and underwear I was buying, because someone cares about them”. She found that really funny and said that she couldn’t imagine having to put someone else in the picture when making the smallest decisions such as the clothes she bought or what she wore underneath. I laughed and told her that it does take a long time to get used to.

Apart from that though, there were a few more “inconveniences” we had to work around, for example:

We had to learn to share the television fairly. Who knew that something that sounds so simple in theory can actually be very complicated? Mr and I have very different taste in TV programmes. I like watching dramas and sitcoms, he likes watching wild-life documentaries, sports and news debates. Even when we want to watch movies, his choices are always very different from mine. Cue arguments and accusations such as “change the channel, my show is on now!”….“But you’ve watched that show a hundred times; can I watch my own show now?”….. “Hey, you can’t change the channel; my show comes up in a minute”…… “Can we watch something else?”…… “Babe please change the channel, this show is boring!”…… etc. You get the picture (lol). How we manage to resolve it? Patience, patience, patience and compromise, as in seriously. Recently, reminders and one-hour-later channels have made a big difference too. LOL

One of my hobbies is listening to music. Preferably as loud as possible, with me singing along since I usually know all the lyrics by heart. To me, that’s one of the ways I relax and tune out stress. For example, after a long day at lectures or at work, when I get home, the first thing I do is to put on my CD player or my laptop and turn up the volume. Now this was fine until I got married and I had to factor in somebody else living in the same house as me. I got a shock one day when I was enjoying my music in the afternoon. Mr came into the living room and said I was making noise and he wanted some peace and quiet. I stared at him as if he wasn’t making sense. How could he call my music “noise” and ask me to turn it off? Did he not know that listening to music was one of my favourite things to do? We argued for ages but we still didn’t come to a resolution. I just couldn’t imagine giving up listening to music because of him. He suggested that I should use headphones. I grudgingly obliged but it was just not the same. Now though, I have learnt to leave the room he is in when I’ve got my music playing. And I make the most of it when he is not at home and I can turn it up as loud as I want to!


Something else that needed to be worked out was sharing the chores in the house. In this regard, I must say I’ve not had much of a problem, as Mr gets stuck in with the housework and he doesn’t leave it all to just me. He doesn’t like dirt and grime so he would rather scrub the tub himself, for example, than wait for me to do it. We’ve got some unspoken rules as to who does what, but they are flexible depending on who got there first. And we don’t have a time-table as such so we just do our chores as and when necessary. Usually on Saturdays, he wakes up before me and starts tidying up and I’ll join him later. And sometimes, I take charge, make a list of what needs to be done and we share both the difficult and easy tasks accordingly. It works well for us right now, but I have a feeling that when we have kids, we will need to be clearer on who does what!

Well what else? I think those were the major adjustments for me, but there were some other practical things that I had to deal with so I’ll continue writing about them.


Stay blessed and favoured!

14 comments:

Miss Pearse said...

Goodness, this is some scray stuff o...lol.
I know Love is great and all that but in practical terms, it's not so straight forward.
But thank you, because these things are not really spoken about. I'll make sure to make a list of all the possible adjustments that I might have to make so as to reduce the suprises..Keep the post coming.

Thanks...LP

goodnaijagirl said...

Learning to compromise is a lesson that I think marriage will teach me and teach me well! I look forward to it and pray that I will be as flexible and open to it as you appear to be.

Good luck as you continue adjusting :)

Anonymous said...

lol that tv is not a joke, my ex and i were the same way. one day i realised it was his house and his tv, so even though i thot he was rude for making me watch american football while i was his guest, i let it go.

Simi Speaks said...

lol. yea, trust me there will be more adjustments to come.. but it's a awesome journey tho!

shalewa said...

gosh.marriage is really not a bed of roses.i pray god would help me learn to compromise cuz i'm the type that likes having her way and these "adjustments" look hard.nwayz,good thing u r giving us an idea of what to expect.keep up the good work.

Jem said...

hmmm...interesting indeed. Compromise is the watchword...tought ordeal but it shud be joyous and willing for the one u are in love with. Love is a great motivator.

chioma said...

my dear after 6yrs of marriage we never adjust finish..my husband went and got two decoders..so he watches his sports downstairs, while I watch my series and tbn upstairs..NOT a good move..couples should learn to compromise ...by having diff TVs we spend less time together cus after work everyone goes to his/her own TV..

OluwaDee said...

If there is 1 thing we learn in marriage its to compromise n b selfless.
Looking forward to ur next post.

Friend of God said...

..this is one blog i jus loveeee.
God bless you...being reding 4 abt a year.

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

After being togerther for 5 years and married for 4, you would think we would have at least figured out how to share tv fairly? lol! No way! hahaha.

This was good to read, though. Thanks for sharing.


NIGERIAN CURIOSITY
IT WAS SO MUCH EASIER WHEN I ONLY HAD ONE...

NaijaBabe said...

Aww this is soo sweet, I can imagine the whole adjustment thing. good luck with it babe. u both seem to be making the effort, which is the most important bit

aloted said...

lol..i feel u on the adjustment bit o...been married for just 3 months and we are both adjusting! case in point- How and what to spend MONEY on! lol it's all good though! God dey!!!

I guess thats why it is good to know your likes and dislikes before u get married so that the shock od adjusting won't be too much. We can't know it all though. It's a learning curve

Looking forward to reading more :)

lamikayty said...

You can say that again! adjusting isnt easy... I guess marriage makes one come face2face with his/her selfish side. E no easy, but God dey!

SAFE HAVEN said...

Hi Dear, love your write up. I'm going to invite you to do a write up a new blog one of these days. Will tell you more about it once it's up and running. Your writings inspire me a lot as I'm sure it will other women aswell.

I would like the add the snapvine voicemail stuff you have on there but it's only allowing me attach it to the body of my blog and not the sidebar. How did you gt yours on there?? Will appreciate your help. Thanks!

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