Sunday, December 31

Meeting Mums, Brotherly Advice

Before I got too deep with Mr, I called my mum and told her about him. She said she was going to pray about it. Soon she called me back and said she felt at peace, so she was really pleased. She also told me that she would like to meet him as soon as she could. Apparently, Mr had also told his mum about me, and she was quite keen to meet me as well. Three months later, both mums came to England separately. My mum came for a brief holiday, while his parents came to attend his graduation.
Just after mum arrived, I remember telling Mr that my mum was in the country and she would like to meet him. So we arranged a time. After work, he picked me up from uni and we drove home. My mum greeted him like she knew him before. She sat him down and asked him lots of questions with a serious face. She asked him whether he was a christian, about his family, what his intentions were, how long he had been eyeing me on campus.... etc etc until the poor guy was blushing seriously and I was laughing. Eventually she was satisfied with all his answers and she let him go. Later on I asked her what she thought of him and she said he was a nice guy. So that initial meeting went well :-)
A week later, it was my turn to endure the questions. I was to spend a whole day with Mr's family including his mum! That morning I was so nervous. I got to his brother's house and met his mum and she greeted me very warmly. She asked the basic questions, and she seemed satisfied too. We spent the rest of the day together and she was already refering to me as her daughter, which I thought was really cool. So that was the mums' side of the introductions. It wasn't until much later that we got the dads involved. I think mothers carry more weight anyway. They can then do the job of informing the dads. I didn't tell my dad about Mr until a year later.

I have this uncle that takes the well-being of everybody around him so seriously. Whatever myself, my sisters or my cousins get up to, he wants to know and he usually dishes out advice. Whether we want to listen to him is another matter entirely. When he heard that I had a new boyfriend, he called me and grilled me very well about him. The he found out that he knew my boyfriend's older brother! So he must have called him and told him something like this: "I hear your younger brother is seeing my niece o. Make sure he knows what he is doing. I want you to call both of them together and advise them very well. Otherwise....!" LOL. Anyway one day Mr told me that we should visit his brother after church on sunday. I was quite pleased to, as it would give me an opportunity to get to know the family a bit more, and meet their 5-year old daughter again(she was quickly becoming my best friend).

One lovely sunday afternoon, we paid older brother a visit. We had lunch with the family and it was very interesting. Their daughter insisted that she wanted to sit beside me at the table. She ate her veggies because I ate mine and I told her veggies made me grow. Her mum was so pleased, she said I should be visiting every sunday so the girl would be eating her veggies more often! After lunch we played together until the adults called me for a chat. The chat was lovely. They asked us what our relationship plans were. We told them that we had every intention of going to the altar in the future. They asked us when that would be. We said we hadn't decided yet. They asked us if we had told our parents. We said we hadn't told them the full gist yet. They told us that if we had any questions or problems, we were free to come and ask them. They had been married about seven years at the time so that was good. They also gave us some advice. Sound advice that still rings in my head today. Amongst many other things they said: "You both have to put each other first. For you, younger brother, she becomes the most important person to you. As unfair as it may sound, even your parents become less important than your wife when it comes down to it. And to you lady, he becomes the most important person to you. No other human being (even your future kids!) should be more important to you than your husband. And your partner's opinion matters more than anyone else's. If you know that, then you will accord each other with the right amount of love, trust and respect. And no external party can come in-between you". Great stuff. That touched home for me because it was exactly what we needed to hear. It helps to prevent a lot of issues with in-laws and extended family too.

16 comments:

Nilla said...

I agree with the advice that your partner is the most important person to you...but with the kids, i think they become more important or as equally important until they are grown up, and then the partner once again becomes the most important
- just my thought :-)

chainreader said...

hey, did you just change your name? i saw it and wondered if someone else had the stolen the name of your blog!

nice piece.

Smoothvibes said...

Nice one... Thanks for sharing.

Elle said...

indeed!

Anonymous said...

Nice post! Your uncle sounds like a scream

Belle said...

i know i risk sounding redundant... but i absolutely LOVE this blog...

Blessed Child said...

Ur blog is awesome babes..Keep up the good work and God bless.HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Dimples said...

HAPPY NEW YEAR..yet another dose TP's world...nice one!!!

Bring on some more...totally agree with the adivce sha..so so on point.

confusednaijagirl said...

i luv your blog . i will be coming back. i hope everything continues going well with him.

Nanya said...

Your blogs are really great, very well written and well thought out. kudos

Calabar Gal said...

Thanks TP oops - favoured girl!! Will bear that in mind as we sail thru marital life together. Cheers!!

Life through rose-tinted glasses said...

i love the advice that his brother gave u guys it makes a whole lotta sense. cheers

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

did i mention your blog is becoming addictive.

Anonymous said...

Very good advise. I was given the same advice on the eve of my wedding and it has really helped us. We needed it.

Jaycee said...

I LOVEEEEEEEEE the advice..........great stuff...let no external party.......that's the best advice anyone can ever give. Thats the basic principle of why God joins any man with a woman...

m├Ądchen said...

Wow, it's amazing to hear that another person thinks that one's husband is the most important, not even future kids.I thought about this when I met the man I am married to now, I thought that a lot of people would think that it was a bit strange. But I really do believe it, and it feels good to see that someone else is of the same opinon.

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