Saturday, December 9

No Sex Please

I was going to write this post later, but I mentioned something on my other blog that attracted interest so I decided to write it now. This is about how and why I waited till I was married before I finally had sex.

When I was just becoming a teenager, probably around 12 years old, I came across two small booklets titled "For Young Girls Only" or something like that. The booklets talked frankly about sex, the risks involved in indulging in sex before you are ready and many other things. The message in the book was clearly that abstinence was the best, fool-proof way of protecting yourself from diseases and unwanted pregnancy. So I decided that that would be the way for me to go. Of course at the time I didn't fully understand all the things involved, I just reasoned that it was a good idea, and I couldn't really go wrong with that. I didn't have brothers so I knew very little about guys. Now when I turned 13, my parents called me aside and gave me "the talk". Being a christain also helped because I was taught that God wanted me to be holy, and that sex outside of marriage was wrong.

I grew older and things started changing. I became aware of myself, feelings for guys and raging hormones. I started reading M&Bs, Jackie Collins, Hints, Hearts (hands up who read those mags in Nigeria!) etc. Started watching more movies. I became more and more aware of what sex was, but since I had made up my mind, I was not so curious. I knew when some of my friends started kissing and exploring with boys but I wasn't interested. However I knew temptation was heading my way when I started developing crushes on cute guys so I confided in some of my friends and we all made a pact to keep our virginity till we got married. If I remember correctly, we were 16 at the time and we were thinking we would have to wait about 8 years. We started making fun of the girls who had boyfriends and sexual encounters. We felt like we had something they didn't: self-control and virtue. All was well during secondary school. I even managed to leave secondary school without having kissed a guy because I didn't kiss my first boyfriend.

Things got more complex after secondary school and now I was in the big wide world. Gone was the protective cloak of my initial group of friends around me, now I had to stand on my own two feet. The pressure was now overwhelming especially in my college. I felt like all around me, my mates were exploring sex, having fun, enjoying themselves and I was the only one missing out. Sometimes when the peer pressure was getting to me, I would remind myself of the reasons why I was holding back. For me, some of the reasons were: (1) to please God (2) prevent unwanted pregnancies (3) prevent any funky diseases (4) Keep my respect and dignity (5) My business would not be the talk of the school (6) To give my future husband something really special (7) Something to look forward to when I eventually get married (8) No unhealthy soul ties to anyone (9) I won't be comparing past guys to husband (10) husband will trust me more (11) No issues with "so how many guys have you slept with?" type questions (12) No regrets about giving it up to ex-boyfriends etc ....

About the same time too, my second boyfriend was hinting that he wanted to take things further. When I told him I hadn't had sex before, he told me that I should prove it to him by sleeping with him (now how does that make sense?!!). I found that really funny. I told him that if that was the way I was "proving it" to every guy that asked, there would be nothing left of me. And I told him that if he married me, I would sleep with him. He tried to use the classic lines: "If you loved me, you would do it". Ah! I wasn't having that one. But I made sure I didn't put myself in any compromising situation. I never went to his house, he always came to mine (that way I could kick him out if things got slippery). When we went out I made sure he brought me back home early, or I had adequate transport fare on me, if I needed to escape. At every other time, we were on the phone, or hanging out with my friend and his cousin on double dates. And thankfully, before things got out of hand I told him I was leaving Nigeria. He said I should make sure I keep my virginity for him. I told him I would try.

Got to England and soon had more guys on my case. It seemed like some guys could tell I was innocent and they wanted to take that away from me. The "Sly Wolf" in my earlier post was just one of them, but there were two other guys. All I can say is, God was watching over me so they didn't succeed. Soon I started going out with the guy that disappeared and faced more temptations. I told him where I stood on sex, and he seemed to understand. After he disappeared and the relationship ended, I remember telling my friend that I'm glad I hadn't slept with him. That would have just made me feel worse.

Then I met Mr and one day the conversation strayed towards past relationships. I told him I had nothing to confess and I was proud of that. He then told me that he had slept with his ex-girlfriends, and he asked me if it would matter to me if we started going out or got married. At first I was not so sure, but later, I thought that if God had sent me this man, then it would not be a reason to throw him away. Since he had repented and recommitted himself in his walk with God, I could let it go as past tense. In essence I told him that I wasn't going to sleep with him until we were married and he agreed! So we could help each other to stay pure. I must admit it was really hard, but I will talk more about it in future posts.

23 comments:

Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...

Of course, my stand on this is the same as yours for most of the same reasons. R/ships are complicated already, adding sex would only make it worse. Plus, knowing myself, i can't imagine how i'd feel if after having sex with a guy, we break up. Seriously, do guys still use those lines, "if u love me, u'd prove it by having sex?" That's just crap. It's so hard trying to keep ur virginity esp. if u have guys on ur case all the time, but nothing is impossible with God's help. Also in this sex-crazed world we live in where almost everything has some form of subliminal sensual msg, even ads. The raging hormones are always there, but so long as u don't put urself in any compromising situation, one will be ok. Can't wait to read ur future posts. Ur posts are so encouraging.

Anonymous said...

I cannot believe he said you should prove you are a virgin by sleeping with him!!! What ws he thinking!

Nice post, as always... and sweet!

Anonymous said...

Wow - good on you for being strong and sticking to your principles.

Idiot men and the excuses they will come up with to get some - lolll - prove it by sleeping with me has to be a classic!

didi said...

its a good thing u stuck to ur resolution.no sex b4 marriage makes u see things more clearly and make better decisions.i wish i hadnt gone back on my resolve

Anonymous said...

Guys would do anything to end up in our beds. That was good strength.

desola said...

thanks for writing...not that i question my decision for abstinence, it just makes sense to me...so many things i have to worry about in this life, how will i add sex and all that steez to it, abeg im not ready lol.

but how to keep from falling into tempatation...lol not that i have been tempted and im almost done with kolejiya (maybe im weird/frigid lol) but how not to get into that occasion...so i think u covered that quite well. thanks lol

me too i lament, so im gonna wait for eight years to have sex?...boo hoo, i hope not.

J. said...

Seems like this blog is only read by females (going from the comments). I am happy for you and wish you all the best. Just one thing; do you have to use the term "frogs"? Yes some people deserve it, but still.......?

Truth said...

I was thinking abt the female-dominated comments until i saw j. had spilled my thots already. I am not sure mosts guys wld like to see their replayed tactics being exposed...lol.Even good guys like Mr.

chainreader said...

am loving your blog. waiting till you get married before having sex is not easy! even with God's grace, temptations are everywhere. thanks for keeping it real. hopefully, you'll inspire some young lady out there to make a good choice.

lmao@ "prove it to me by sleeping with me!" classic line! i thought only i got that!

ps. waiting 8 years better not be in the cards for me! am almost done waiting! i want me some ... (i had to edit!)

Anonymous said...

I'm really proud of your decision to remain a virgin till you got married and actually sticking with it!

Lol at some of the lame lines you've had to deal with ... guys!

Anonymous said...

great post. sadly Ive never met any guys who understand my stance on sex talkless of agreeing with it. Even the most spiritual ones wanted more than I was comfortable with. At 24 its difficult but by Gods grace hormones will not prevail. lol

9ja Opeke said...

You've inspired me! God truly keeps His promises. If you sacrifice everything to serve Him, He will never forget you...reading blogs like yours, makes one realize that God loves so very much...Thank you for sharing.

jadedKiss said...

gosh i'm loving your blog more with every line/post!
i am also against sex before marriage, because of God and the religious implication and stuff. All the reasons you gave for not having sex are exactly mine!
its abit different with me though, sort of. i mean, i think about sex and i'v got quite far with the physicals, but noone's eva made me want to actually have sex.
But i have to say still, i can't wait to get married so i can stop fornicating in my mind!!
Your blog is great, really encouraging. the honesty in your posts really makes u like, a role model for me. in that regard if nothing else.
muah muah muah!!

chainreader said...

lmho @ jadedkiss. me too, sister. me too!

Favoured Girl said...

@All: Thanks for your comments everyone! The benefits of remaining a virgin are so huge, I tell you. I think virginity should be more in vogue than it is. But hey, I'm glad I can encourage some of my fellow sisters out there!

timi said...

...u know what fascinated me most 'bout ur virginity? U made the decision when u were just 13. For goodness sake u were 13 & u got something many (even older ones) still don't get now.
Not having sex before marriage is great but, why i'd subscribe to it (apart from God's) is that i a woman's pride & honour in her virginity (before marriage).
Oh woman, where is ur pride.
Oh woman, where is ur honour.
...no apologies but, if a guy loves you he should just wait (for waiting sake or 'cos she says so), he should strive to help u to keep ur pride, ur honour.
Bravo sis an excellent read. Cheers

Anonymous said...

My husband was a virgin.Unfortunately I wasn't. Virginity should be celebrated

BG said...

Congratulations on your incredible journey. I am marrying a Nigerian woman who is also a virgin. We've been together for 2 years, with some break up time apart from each other initiated by me. The woman is driven and sticks to her value system, so as a man i can't help but appreciate her all the more. I found that each time we "took a break" I only felt like I wanted to be closer to her. Same thing for her. So that told me that our love was indeed real. I never pressure her for sex because I realize what it is she truly wants to give to me. I'm looking forward to it. Best wishes.

African Gem said...

wow....this is REALLY inspring, I just came out of a relationship because of this similar situation....Immediately I told the guy I don't believe in sex b4 marriage....I never heard from him again, not even a phone call and his last words were "let me think about it and i'll get back to you" kai imagine...but it's all good...I know God will send one who sees me for more than my body :)
Your blog truly is inspiring, to know that you are getting married means that there are guys who want more than physical intimacy...congrats on your engagement!

LMAO @ "if u love me u'll give it to me", I mean seriosuly that's just arrant nonsense!
~Cheers

Anonymous said...

FG,your blog is an inspiration.You've only encouraged me to remain a virgin till the right man comes.One day i read someone's blog where virgins were ridiculed and i felt like whats the point waiting.Everyone's doin it.Why not join the fun.No attachments.just find a guy and do it.But the devil lost cuz i just couldn't try it.I remember i had told God to help me stay pure and.so it wasn't my will power.Moreover,am from a christian home and like you,i resolved to stay a virgin since the first day i heard the word "monthly period".your blog has made understand the importance of purity.Thank you so much.i'm goin to keep reading ur posts.very encouraging.Keep up the good work.

rethots said...

Oops, i'd commented before. However, i'll do yet again.

Eventually, you waited....that's the beauty.

How's married life?

NoLimit said...

Hi FG,great blog you have here...I totally agree with NSP(No Sex Please!)...Back then I had friends that were giving it up left right and centre...the pressure was really high but by the grace of God,I have been able to abstain till date...by the way then,I wasn't that close to God,I just wasn't ready to be anybody's statistics!lol...but now that I am(Close to God),I know that my body is the Lord's temple therefore it is NO NO NO NO to sex before marriage!
xxx...

Anonymous said...

wow,God be praised!Even though this is coming years after but then when u were a virgin and u decided to remain so to honour God..that action has been noted down by God and the reward(s) even years after u will enjoy just becos u remained pure unto God,God be praised!

Wow,you see what we ladies failed to understand is this that when we think sex is love we end up putting ourselves in tight situations and u knw,that was why u were able to move on in all ur other relationships.
Though,it is only with God and fearing Him we could be able to remain holy unto Him.
I am 26 and I am so wishing to be pure unto God till I am married by God's grace and by His will!

Even after years,this post still rocks,God bless u!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...