Friday, January 26

Talking about Trust

Picture this scenario:

I'm chatting with three of my girlfriends. We are in the library in uni, but we got bored with studying, and started gisting instead. We are talking about girl stuff: clothes, make-up, shoes and.... relationships. Then one of my friends turns to me and the conversation goes like this:

Friend 1: Favoured Girl*, what kind of contraception do you use?
Me: I don't use any
Friend 2: Why not? You have to, or you would get pregnant!
Me: Don't worry I'm not going to get pregnant
Friend 1: You can't be so sure
Me: I'm sure
Friend 2: How?
Me: I'm not having sex
Friend 1: Really? But you have a boyfriend!!
Me: Yes, but we are not sleeping together yet
Friend 1: For real? How come? Doesn't he bug you?
Me: We agreed not to sleep together. And no he doesn't bug me for sex
Friend 2: How long have you been together?
Me: About 8 months
Friend 1: So you've been with him for 8 months, you haven't slept with him and he is not bugging you?
Me: That is correct
Friend 1: Aaaah, he must be getting it from elsewhere
Me: No I don't think so
Friends: What? How do you know he's not getting sex from other girls outside?
Me: Because I trust him
Friends: You trust him?!
Me: Yes, is that so strange?
Friends: Of course! You should never trust any guy
Me: I see... so you don't trust your boyfriend?
Friend 1: Not completely
Me: Aaaah

Which leads me to this touchy subject. How much should I trust someone I'm in a relationship with? Should I trust him completely? How do I know he will never hurt me? Well relationships are complicated sometimes. But I think we should believe the best of everybody that comes across our way, until they prove that they can't be trusted. It's easier said than done. We will meet people that will disappoint us, and we may feel like we need to protect ourselves from being hurt again. I think, forgiveness releases us from pain and allows us to trust again.

For me, I have been disappointed by my friends in the past. I've felt like I trusted some friends and they betrayed my trust. And I could not believe that my last boyfriend just left me without any explanations, talk about a betrayal! Still, I had to learn to trust again. Meeting a new guy, I was still a bit wary though. I thought to myslef, I don't know this guy from anywhere, what guarantee do I have that he will not let me down? But my confidence grew when I realised that I could trust God completely. See, the trust that I have is not that Mr and I are so strong that we cannot fall into temptation. It is not because I think we are above sin. It is however based on the fact that we both know that God brought us together. If God was to choose a husband for me, then I can be rest assured that God will never give me a man that will hurt me. I can trust God that if I play my part in being the wife that He wants me to be, then He will play His part in upholding my relationship. If Mr can trust God that I am the woman God gave him, then he can be safe in the knowledge that God will uphold me, and help me when I am prone to failing. He is the source of our strength. What a relief.

No relationship can be complete without trust on both sides, from both parties. No matter how much you love each other, it just won't work. When there is no trust, the devil will enjoy planting lots of doubts in your mind. You might start recollecting little things that seem to add up to a reason for doubting the other person. You always believe that he could be hiding things from you. You'll find it hard to forgive them because you won't trust them when they say "I'm sorry".You would drive yourself crazy with worries and doubts.

Trust is so essential. A guy needs to fully trust a lady before he proposes to her. A lady needs to trust that the guy who is asking her out has good motives and will not turn around and hurt her. You have to trust your boyfriend when he says he couldn't call you at 6 o'clock last night because he had to work late. You have to trust that he will not cheat on you behind your back. And most importantly, when there is a misunderstanding and you are upset, you have to trust that the other party didn't mean to hurt you, it just happened because of a breakdown in communication somewhere (That last one, I still find hard to deal with). It's not easy, but there is no other way to live at peace in a relationship. God help us.


TaureanMinx said...

If i'm not given a reason to not trust then i trust completely. A womans intuition is right most times.

DiAmOnD hawk said...

i agree w/TMinx... I have similar conversations with ppl...that now I just dont bother to say anything...ppl judge you according to what they know...according to their own experiences....

chainreader said...

believing the best about people until they give you a reason not too.............. You just quoted me. for real. uncanny!

This post is especially important for me, because for the first time in my life, i had trust issues in a relationship,ie with the guy am dating now. but like you said, i found out that my trust is not really in him, but in God to keep us.

keep writing this stuff. you have no idea how many people you help.

Vickii said...

I'm exactly the same as you and everybody else that has just commented ... my first instinct is to trust and until a person gives me a reason to think otherwise, then that's how I feel.

To be honest, I'd rather trust and realise in hindsight that my trust was misplaced, than become one of those people who always believes the worst of people rather than the best.

LM said...

You hit the nail on the head. I find it easier to trust until given the reason to think otherwise. Most times, it's not even worth the headache of convincing people that you trust your boyfriend or husband. People tend to go with the norm (?) that a man can not be completely trusted.

I howeevr differ slightly about your stance that if God has chosen a man for you (boyfriend or spouse), that would shield you from temptation and that He won't give you someone who will hurt you. The fact that God has selected your mate does not mean that that person can not or would not hurt you. It just means that when hurt, disappointment or whatever comes, God will equip you with the grace to overcome the problem and move on. The fact that your mate may (and this doesn't mean that he would) become unfaithful to you does not make God's choice any less perfect. He is afterall, a perfect God. We, on the other hand are imperfect and can become unfiathful or unfortunately hurt our mate in times of weakness. It however helps when both mates realise that God brought them together and pray together for the hurt/problem/infidelity to be solved. That's why Christian couples, me thinks, are more likely to stay together and be happy in spite of infidelity on the part of one spouse. A book to read is: "Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrone - building affair-proof hedges around your marriage". Can't remember the author's name but it was written by a lady who cheated on her husband and who went on to still enjoy some 25 more years with him....

LondonBuki said...

Looks like I am the odd one out here... I don't trust, nope... trying to sort that issue out but it really is hard especially when I look at what goes on around me EVERYDAY!

Thank God for your relationship and for the spirit to trust... I know you know how lucky you are!

I love your posts and the comments people left before me here ...

Lee said...

Every post on this blog is always refreshing to read especially at the stage I am now!
Its like what happened to you is what is happening to me now..hehehe..Great Blog!

It takes me a LONGGG time to trust someone and thats because they've given me a reason to distrust them.

Africainement said...

hello fav'girl..just wanna say that your blog is really interesting ...May God keeps blessing your union and allow you to grow and be a testimony for us "the last of the mohicans" who are finding it hard to believe in true love


truth said...

FG good that you consistently write on realistic issues. Generally I don't have trust issues with people and I believe it is easier to expect the best from people if you can place yourself in their shoes when they are at their worst. With that policy on trust, it is easy for me to let go of stuff and approach related incidences with caution. Then there's the "WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?" question I ask myself.......I guess the very same thing; trust, get hurt, but learn to trust again.

yankeenaijachick said...

You can say that again. No relationship can stand without trust on both sides. l love reading your journey down the aisle. Very interesting. Best of luck girl.

Bella Naija said...

I dont know.
I guess I have serious trust issues.
I do not trust anybody until they have proven themselves to be very trustworthy.
From friends to guys.
I just cant bring myself to just trust people 'just like that'.
I agree with that when it comes to serious relationships, having extremely strong trust is so important otherwise what is the point?

chidi said...

hey gal! i just wanted to say that ur blog is very inspiring. u write so well.i hope everything works out fine for you in the end.

chioma said...

I trust people, but then no one can disappoint me, cus I have at the back of my mind that human beings can fail anytime. Only God will never disappoint you.. I agree with lm to an extent, just ebcause God sends someone your way doesn't mean he will never disappoint you. It may not be infidelity, it could be something like coming home drunk one day! We just have to pray and work on our relationships.
Forget about trying to convinvce people your not having sex..people will always believe what they want. Just continue to be a virtous young woman and keep yourself till you say I do!
its a breath of fresh air to see young christian women like you.

chioma said...

sorry i just misyarned..didnt realise you guys were already married.. One word of advise , suspicion fuels when it comes to you and hubby let him know you trust him completely. All the best

Anonymous said...

Come on now........Slap your neighbour, someone's preaching good....Oh GLORY!

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