Wednesday, April 25

Confused (2)

Continued from previous post -

After I hung up the phone call, I sat there thinking. "What this guy was up to? He was coming to England to see me? What do we have to talk about?"

I had thought we were good friends and that was it. Fine, we had a thing for each other, but it never developed so...? I contemplated telling Mr about it but I didn't. What would I even tell him? "Hey guess what, my old crush from Nigeria is coming to see me?" What would he think? So I decided against it.

I was also wondering if I should just ignore him and cut him off completely. But I thought, for the sake of our long friendship, I wouldn't be rude to him so I'll be nice. I would talk to him and make him realise that there was no way we could be together anymore. But there was no reason why we couldn't remain friends.

Sure enough, I got a call from him the next day. He said he would be around for three weeks. Men those three weeks were the most confusing time of my life! He wanted to see me, but I kept making excuses, giving him reason for us not to meet. I wasn't sure what I would say or do if I saw him face to face. I wasn't sure of myself, knowing that I was still attracted to him.

Nevertheless, we spoke to each other everyday. We talked and talked about everything that happened back in high school, we talked about our friendship and crushes. He told me about how he had really liked me from way back in high school. So one day we decided to retrace the events of the past years to see how or why we didn't get together. One conversation went like this:

Him: FG, you know I've always liked you, right from when we were friends in high school

Me: Really?

Him: Yes

Me: I guessed you liked me, but I also knew that you liked my friend (let's call her H)

Him: Yes I liked H for some time but in the end I still liked you more

Me: Well you see, I knew you liked H, so there was no way I was going to get involved in a love triangle. That would have been messy cos we are friends

Him: There was no triangle. I stopped liking her

Me: Ok, then why didn't you ever ask me out?

Him: I wasn't sure how you felt about me

Me: You could have taken the chance

Him: I know, but I didn't want to spoil our friendship if you had said no. I thought it would be better to have you as a friend than nothing at all.

Me: But I liked you, so I would not have said no

Him: I didn't know you liked me

Me: I did, but I was definitely not going to ask you out

Him: So you liked me all along?

Me: Yes, but I got tired of hoping you would notice, so I pushed you out of my mind and moved on with my life

Him: Awww

Me: Yep you had your chance but you didn't use it. Even after high school

Him: After high school you told me you had a boyfriend

Me: That's true, but I heard you had a girlfriend as well

Him: Who told you that?

Me: It doesn't matter anymore now, does it?

Him: Ok I had one, but I still wanted to be with you. But you left Nigeria not long after

Me: No, I left a whole year after high school

Him: And you were not sure when you would come back

Me: Yes but I saw you two years later

Him: And we both had partners but you promised that you were going to marry me

Me: Are you for real? I thought that was a joke

Him: No I was serious

Me: Well I'm sorry. Shortly after my holiday, I met my current boyfriend and now I'm engaged to him

Him: When I heard you were engaged, I cried

Me: You did what?!

Him: It's true. My mum saw me and asked what the matter was. And I told her all about you, how you were the one girl I really liked, how I was going to marry you but now you were engaged to someone else

Me: (shocked) Incredible

Him: That tells you how serious I was

Me: Awww, I see. I guess we just was never meant to be. You do know that I'll be getting married soon don't you?

Him: Yes, and I envy the guy so much. He's taken you away from me. You are the love of my life

Me: Stop saying that

Him: It's true

Me: Ok o. So will you attend the wedding if I invite you?

Him: I'm not sure. I might stand up if the minister asks if anyone has a reason why the couple may not be joined

Me: Eh, please don't do that o

Him: Or when the minister says "You may kiss the bride", I'll have to look outside the window instead. I can't watch another guy kiss you

Me: Sorry o, but he's about to become my husband

Him: That hurts

Me: :laughing:

Okay, I'll admit it. It was fun talking to him and it was very flattering too in a way because I knew that he liked me. Before long, all the old feelings came back and I felt drawn to him again. The thoughts of "if only I wasn't engaged to someone else" crept into my mind. (Now that's dangerous). Then I started feeling guilty. For one thing, I was spending more time talking to this guy than to my fiance. I was enjoying the trips down memory lane, his professions of love and the like. I wondered if this meant I was cheating, maybe not physically, but emotionally. But I was now more confused than ever before. I knew I had to stop it before things got out of control.

Around this time, it was Mr's birthday. I had been talking to this guy the night before when Mr tried to call me and I ignored his call. The next day I felt so guilty when I called him to wish him a happy birthday. We planned to meet in the evening after work. All day at work I was so restless and jumpy, even my manager noticed that something was wrong with me. After I left the office, the guy called me again and we talked throughout my journey to meet up with Mr. Eventually I had to tell him to get off my phone cos I was meeting my fiance. We went out for dinner and I gave Mr his birthday presents. To make me feel even worse, Mr was sooo happy and excited that evening. He was telling me how I was such a wonderful girlfriend and how he's been so happy since he met me etc. In my mind I was like "Oh no, why is this guy making me feel even more guilty now?"

At the end of the evening, I was so relieved when he dropped me off at home and I could do some thinking. I called my sister and told her what had been going on. She just laughed and said "How can you be confused? I thought you knew Mr was the man for you? How can you be drawn to another guy? Fair enough, you liked him before, but that's in the past now. Forget about him. Okay if you are really confused, pray that God should remove the feelings for this guy that is disturbing you".

I thought, well here's an idea! I could pray about it. Why didn't I do that before now? So first thing the next morning, I prayed to God to help me sort my emotions out. And God answered! It seemed like God was telling me some things:

1) Anything that takes away my peace is not God's desire for me.
2) I had more control over my emotions that I thought - if I stop encouraging the feelings for this guy, they would go away.
3) He did not allow me to date this guy because he would have been a big distraction for me
4) God's plan for my future was linked to my fiance and no one else.
5) It is not everyone I meet or feel attracted to that is meant to be in my life.
6) Of course I would get tempted sometimes, but it's what I do that determines the outcome.

Immediately I finished praying, I felt at peace again. All the clouds of confusion seemed to have been miraculously lifted. So God was still in control after all! I pondered everything for a long time. Sometimes I don't understand God's love for me. God loves me so much that He can prevent me from dating someone so that I would not miss the blessings in store for me. It made sense to me now.

Later that evening, I met up with Mr and I told him everything. At first I was worried about how he might react, but he just shrugged. It wasn't even a big deal to him. He said it was natural thing, and what matters is how I handled it. I loved him even more for that.

In the final week before my old crush left, I'm sure he noticed that my behaviour towards him had changed. I was now calmly telling him to forget about anything happening between us. I explained to him that we can be friends but nothing more. Knowing what I now knew, I agreed to meet up with him on the day before he left. It was nice seeing him, we talked for a while and I bade him farewell.

And that was it really. I went back to my fiance and appreciated him more.


azuka said...

Been reading and not commenting. You do have a wonderful, special man.

My mom told me about an incident like this that happened after she'd agreed to marry my Dad. He blew up when she told him about the old crush -- it wasn't funny. He later came to appreciate my mom many years later for who she is -- a very open, warm. caring woman.

truth said...

One thing popped out to me: you said God helped you deal with those feelings.I totally believe in His ability to leverage our weaknesses with his strength but it's kinda hard for me to connect with that statement.I still have feelings for my ex but I clearly have since realized that we were not meant to be. That's what God has helped me accept.
The last time we spoke extensively(4 mths to his wedding)he clearly admitted that he loved two women. The difference:he was committed to her, not me.
I wanna believe we shared deeper feelings than you and your crush did because though I am presently committed to someone, I know I'll always have a soft spot for my ex.

Truth is I love my Mr. so much more but I surely learnt a few good lessons on selfless love from my relationship with Ex-BF that have helped me nurture my present relationship, not interfer with it.

Great post.

Lee said...

Aaawww...look at that..Your MR. was truly meant for you.. God sure has his unbelievable way of making things happen.

I can't even wait to tell my story..I'm still on the road, but I do know one day I will blog about the whole story on how it began..


LM said...

You realised quite early that it was God who had the power for clarity etc. Well done!

I had a similar experience but much more serious - in the sense that although I din't date this person, the connection was, at one point, so strong that it began to get be an emotional competition with my significant other. Prayer helped put everything in perspective and re-established my commitment to my significant other. We really should depend on God for such and not kid ourselves we could handle it.

Well done!

DiAmOnD hawk said...

oh girl.. i am so connecting with this post... so connecting with it... i think we all go thru these confusing moments..

~Mimi~ said...

:) so u finally updated! lol

Naijalove said...

I love your blog, its clearly an inspiration for those of us waiting on God and trusting Him to guide our path towards the one He has chosen for us.

yankeenaijachick said...

hey girl, missed ya lots. l have been busy too. yes o!!! temptations, yeah, thank God you made the right choic. Girl, watch saviour on very must see movie. love ya.

9ja Opeke said...

This is an inspiring piece...and I must say your then fiancé handled it in a very matured way. He could have got upset and broken the engagement off. But he saw beyond that situation and saw God speaking to him.

I loved when you said, "Anything that takes away my peace is not God's desire for me." …Yes, this is so true...for every situation we may face, "The Lord will bless His people with Peace" ~ Psalm 29: 11

Thank you for sharing this wonderful experience of God’s amazing love in your life...There is so much I can take from reading this... God never lets us be shaken or moved from our place near His heart. God bless you...Favoured Girl.

Anonymous said...

I've been with my Mr for abt 1yr. I love him to bits & I'm 100% sure he loves me, but sometimes I wonder if he's the one. It really worries me.
I came across ur blog & found the answer I've been looking for - PRAYERS!!
I felt at peaace afterwards, cos I know what to do about my worry.
Thanks! Love ur blog, very inspiring. Jennifer.

Blogstalker said...

I think most of the people that left a comment are female...I just wanted to let you know that this piece is inspiring even to guys too. For us guys, we tend to get carried away by looks and "It is not everyone I meet or feel attracted to that is meant to be in my life" was a revelation that helped me deal with "Temptations." In my personal life too. Keep up the good work.

mgt said...

Why am I never like you people? Why can't I ever get hurt or have a strong connection with a guy?

For real, I can not have this kind of r'ship. Not becos I have been hurt in the past or anything shady like that in my past. I just don't love the way a lot of girls do.

I hope you did not school in Ibadan. If you did, I just might know you.

Favoured Girl said...

@Azuka: Thanks for commenting this time! Everyday I come to appreciate my man more and more and I just feel so blessed. Seems like a lot of ladies go through that confusing time.

@Truth: I understand your point. You had a much stronger attachment to your ex so it would be near impossible to break. Sounds like both of you still like each other very much, I wonder why you broke up. But you both have new partners now so they now (rightly) take priority.

@Lee: Thanks girl. God really has a way of working things out for His children. I'll keep an eye out for your story down the aisle too! Coming anytime soon?

@LM: You are right, very similar conclusion I got to in the end. I should have prayed about it from the start. Thank God He still intervened at the right time though!

@Diamondhawk: I agree my dear. We are human so we can be influenced by our emotions. The main thing is that we should put God in charge.

@Mimi: Yes o, I finally updated. I bet you want to write the next post?

Favoured Girl said...

@Naijalove: Awww thanks! I'm humbled that you find my blog so inspiring. I pray that God will guide you in your choices too!

@Yankeenaijachic: Thanks! Hope work and school is not too stressful. I'll check out that movie when I get the chance.

@9ja Opeke: Girl, thanks so much. I love your comments. God lets us know when we are in His will through His peace of mind.

@Anon: Thanks for visiting my blog! And you are right - prayer is the antidote to all our worries and fears!

@Blogstalker: Thanks for commenting. You know it never occured to me that a guy would find this post interesting too. I'm glad you did.

@mgt: I can't answer that question. Maybe you haven't met someone that you think deserves your love completely. And no, I didn't school in Ibadan.

dairy of a G said...

good work.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
aloted said...

Hi...First time on your blog and I must say what I have read so far is encouraging. Goes to show that we are all humans and have feelings but we do not have to act upon every feeling we have.
Good work! Off to read your other entries :)

truth said...

Sisi it's time to update your fans!

Rightly said; we have strong feelings for eachother. My ex and I broke up for reasons involving family and God. Long story i'd say. Good thing is I won't trade my Mr. for him now and that conviction keeps me happy.

Kpakpando said...

I have to know, what was revealed later on...

Anonymous said...

wow,I would not but comment on's a really great post becos I happenen to reckon with the fact that you prayed to God on ur feelings for the other n God worked it out for u,I am a living witness to that bcos just like u,I have men/guys on my case and u as human u just sillyinly loose ur head but when u get to a point u will say stop n guess what ,it is only God that can help u out then.
I believe through these posts of urs,I will learn a lot n even put it in use more,thanks for this post,God bless u.

Sold to Christ said...

This is and old post but I came about something similar on
Search the label for "through his eyes". It's an interesting read too, about crushing on someone who was not available and then they come back when you have moved on' dealing with the surge of those feelings of something you wanted badly once, now at your fingertips etc.
One of the most enlightening pieces I have read.
Opened my eyes to why I should free my ex and inspired my post "letting him go" on my blog.

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