Wednesday, February 28

Temptations

I just thought I should use a tantalising title... wink ;-) no not really.

Okay I mentioned in one of my past posts (here) that I was going to talk more about abstaining. At the beginning of our relationship, Mr had told me that he would respect my decision to wait until we were married before having sex. I was really pleased that he was supportive and willing to help me. We both had a duty to help the other person to stay pure. At the time, both of us hadn't had very long abstinence relationships, so we didn't know what lay in store for us. We just started and let things take their course. As time went on though, we realised we had to come up with ideas on how we would not to get tempted to take things too far. As you know, it is one heck of a slippery road to keep your body under control when you are in a loving relationship.

I remember attending a few singles' seminars. No matter what topics are discussed, whenever there is a question and answer session, the question of "how far should you go before marriage?" always comes up. And whenever the topic of physical stuff in relationships comes up, there is usually a hot debate. Some people think everything you do is fine, as long as you don't have sex. Some people think even kissing is wrong. And then there are people like me who are in-between. So what's the verdict? Can we hug? Kiss? Make out? There are still no definitive answers. For me, I thought kissing was okay, but we just had to be very careful not to get carried away.

The first year of our relationship was great. I was learning and discovering so much that we didn't get too physical, nothing more than hugs and kisses. I was learning to trust Mr too, and I really respect him for not pushing me to go further than I wanted to. After we got engaged, it seemed things got much harder. We had been going out hugging and kissing for a year and naturally our bodies wanted more. At first we ignored it. But it became more and more obvious to us that we had to do something, otherwise we would slip. So we tried everything. We limited the number of time we saw each other each week. Nope, that didn't help. We decided not to visit each other at home. Well that didn't work too cos we could still hang out in his car or at the cinema. We stopped seeing other on weekends, and saw each other at weekdays. Still had issues with controlling our body's desires.

At the end of the day, we had to come to our own decision. So in a moment of "wisdom" we decided we would stop kissing. Maybe that would give us some relief. Well it did last us a couple of months. It was good to go back to basics again like before we started going out. And it was like rediscovering that we had things to do and stuff to talk about. Those months were great! Did it last long? Hmmm... a bit. We kissed twice in three months. But then held on for a few more months. Eventually we gave up and actually prayed to God to help us cos we couldn't resist the temptations on our own strength alone anymore. This is where some Bible passages came in handy: Remember that the temptations that come into your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can't stand up against it. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you will not give in to it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 NLT. So now when my friends ask me now how we managed to stay three years without sex, I just say it was God that helped us.

Oh I must add that my mentors helped me a great deal too. Every once in a while, they would call me to ask how our relationship was progressing and then reiterate about the benefits of remaining pure before marriage. That often encouraged me. One of my uncles also had a girlfriend for 10 YEARS before they got married. When they told me they abstained for that long, my jaw dropped. And then I thought, if they can do it, then so can I. It still wasn't easy, but it made me feel more positive about achieving it.

19 comments:

John Bryson said...

sounds to me like you should read the book "Adventures in Missing the point"
John

Anonymous said...

wow, there's so much to learn from you. it's only the grace of God and nothing else cos there's always this fight btw the spirit and the flesh. I'm proud of you and I will stay pure till I get married, your blog has actually shown me that's its actually challenging BUT POSSIBLE. pls keep the posts coming, i always read tho i hardly comment. have a great week!

DiAmOnD hawk said...

i agree. I've talked about this as well. I think the no-kissing rule is really really really really hard especially for someone that LOVES to do it... holding hands...and everything else...gosh it's just hard and it's NOTHING BUT THE GRACE OF GOD that will help you through...God is faithful!!!

i was about to let u know that i was experiencing some withdrawal symptoms...glad that you've updated...i feel much better now

LM said...

You've said it all. Congratulations and may God continue to help you achieve your goal....

Favoured Girl said...

@John Bryson: Thanks for your comment. I've checked out the reviews of that book and it seems interesting. Fortunately I'm in a place right now where I don't question the Bible's authority on most topics. But I'll keep it in mind, thanks!

@Anonymous: I'm really touched that I could inspire you. Well done for making that decision to stay pure. It's not easy, but it is really worth it, trust me. Thanks for your comment. I'm encouraged to keep writing this journey...

@Diamond Hawk: LOL @ experiencing withdrawal symptoms! Like you said dear, it is hard, but once you've committed to doing it, God will see you through.

@LM: Thanks! Your comments encourage me....

Bella Naija said...

Wow...thanks favouredgirl..
one of my young friends was telling me that she has learned sooo much from your blog, I have tooo! Thanks for sharing...I am glad u didnt pretend like it was easy, you really broke it down.

Take care girl

Dimples said...

Wow!! a message in good season...

Favoured girl I love u so so much..as in infact i have offically made u my blogville mentor...

My Heart said...

I can honestly tell you that that's one of the hardest things to do when in a relationship and somehow (well by God's grace) you overcame all those temptations. I can't say the same for myself unfortunately. So props to you girl!!!

Nyemoni said...

Beautiful post.... I should direct a friend of mine to your blog cos she's having these kinda issues and I dunno how to advise her... great job Favoured gal!

chainreader said...

Wow, three years! Girl, that was some mighty grace!

I made a decision to wait till marriage before having sex when i was 12 or 13, don't remember. I wish i could say it was cos of my christian beliefs, but naaaa. I had just found out all the details about sex (yeah, so i was a late bloomer) and thought that it was something i wouldn't want to do with too many people. But what eventually made me hold on to it till this ripe old age of almost 30 was the knowledge that this is what God planned for me!

But 3 years! Wow.

I've never been in a relationship for that long, so i don't know that i can do it. The guy am dating now is down with the whole waiting thing, and that makes it a whole lot easier. There is nothing more difficult than trying to explain to a guy that waiting is good for him. hhehehhe. Plus, am not exactly a cold fish either. Sometimes i need to convince myself that it's good for me too.!

Okay, i think my comment is officially longer than your post. I should leave.

Keep posting. You are an inspiration. You tell it like it is!

Abi said...

Wow! girl welldone...wish I could say the same abt me...I broke down after the 3rd year...lol.
Anyways, there's a book I think you should add to your links and also read. It's definitely a good read. I have learnt so much from it even tho i've dated this guy for abt 5yrs now.
"Saving your marriage before it starts (7 questions to ask before and after you marry) by Les&Leslie Parrott.God bless.

Lee said...

Favored girl, You are really a STRONG Woman. God Bless You..
What I love about your blog is the way it inspires one.. Keep it Up.. We'll get there soon and tell *our* story* :)

Anonymous said...

Keep writing.. you definitely are a good testimony to God's grace. I pray that God will open the eyes of all unmarried people reading this to understand the benefits of storing up heavenly treasures as you did before marriage.. remain blessed

Mrs Somebody said...

Mr Somebody and I dated for 5 months before we got married and there was no sex throughout that period,maybe we did not date long enough but on the wedding night,he was in one corner trying to fall asleep. I had to remind him we were now married and allowed to do it.Did I mention that I like your posts.Truly inspiring.keep it up.

yankeenaijachick said...

That's really good. Am so proud of you......it's hard you know.So when is the wedding date?

bimbylads said...

favoured girl.. we r so alike in these things..

its not easy, its hard.. i get all funny.. i wonder if he is sleeping with someone.. COS im doing the same thing ( abstaining).. but im not talking about it on my blog.. maybe i should .. ! Well done babe.. God will surely continue to stenghten us.. I CANNOT WAIT TILL MY WEDDING NIGHT!

mimi said...

you are such an inspiration to me, i decided as well,from the time i realised god didn't want it, i hope i can hold up like u did, the lord is my strength, keep up the good work

Adeola Adelekun said...

This is so weird!Someone left a comment on my blogsite about ur blog and i just thought i'ld check it out. This is exactly what i wrote in my latest article on How far can we go. I've only managed to read this on ur site and i must say its quite inspiring. God bless you.

Oracle said...

It pays to remain pure till the time has come

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